Here's to you Zach
A tribute to my friend
Once upon a time an outsider was led by a strange being through time and space to an alternative paradise on earth.
In this paradise people spoke the language of the swaying trees and were capable of understanding their intense love. They spoke to those trees and looked at the stars, and talked about the stars to each other with an immense knowledge that was higher and deeper than any scientific knowledge could fathom. These people were unconcerned about how they were perceived – they had an incredible gift to not incite jealousy and envy in the outsiders who interacted with them, for, the people that lived in this alternative paradise came so close to being altruistic that they made the outside braggart and liar kiss their feet and cry tears of amazement – perhaps most amazing to the outsider that interacted with the people in this paradise was how they were not tempted to impress or impart himself; to boast or forcefully show off whatever relatively small talents or knowledge he had. In short, the love in Paradise to the outsider was immediately contagious, and all around was an environment of service. The people did not worship, but were constantly aware of an uninterrupted living union with the Universe at large. Their love was a song of appreciation for nature, earth and sea. The words they used were almost unimportant, trivial, or maybe beyond the grasp of reason. No matter, the meaning behind them somehow sank unconsciously deeper and deeper into the hearts of outsiders. And the harmony was enchanting and beautiful and so intensely true. They were playful, high-spirited with gentle, self-sufficient, and contemplative rapture, even when confronted with death.
after some time, the outsider does, in fact, manage to corrupt the people in paradise – they begin to understand the lie, from that, know sorrow and treat shame as a virtue. Isolation brings about injustice which in turn brings about law. Alliances and countries form as proportion and harmony begins to weaken. Finally, suffering is glory. The outsider, aware he had caused all this just by being around the people for some time, witnessing this evolution over thousands for years, demands to be crucified – for sorrow and martyrdom entered his soul with such force he was uncourageous, incapable of killing himself – for it felt like he was already dying.
Then the outsider awakes, all this was, simply, a dream. And who was once a ridiculous man who wallowed like a nihilist through life imagining the world as place only his conscience, now a man who knows the truth. The Truth: People can be happy and beautiful without loosing their ability to live on earth. That truth can be so simply realized: simply by loving thy neighbor as thyself. And that was only in his dream. As such it is a living image of hope that leads a previously ridiculous man on the right path, even if such a dream can not be put into words or communicated to others, It can be realized immediately, the world could be rearranged in an hour, if only we truly wanted it to be - only if we loved our neighbor.
The incredibly poignant and somber existentialist allegory aforementioned is Fyodor Dostoevsky’s The Dream of a Ridiculous Man.
I’m going to be honest, and say that after I read “The Dream of a Ridiculous Man” I cried.
I cried for someone I consider my friend, Zach. I’ve always believed that in life you count your friends with your fingers. Zach has always been non-envious, non-scornful, non-lying breed. Truly supportive, truly joyful truly appreciative, all-embracing love for that which is around him. But it does not matter what his relation to me was when I cried just then. My tears of joy, though not sad, were excruciating – I anguished because I felt touched in a contemptuous world that hasn’t allowed me to be, in my moment of vulnerability, but protected privacy, I experienced true love for a friend, the real love, and for the briefest of moments with that love I realized his words, “too busy spending too much time placing consciousness above living, too busy placing knowledge above happiness, too busy dismissing states of happiness as fairy tales” – it was not elitism, I was intimidated by this love, so much so that I bowed my head down in a sort of shame as the tears fell to the desk. And what was my intense feeling of love for Zach in that beautiful moment? A sort of fond appreciation of who he was, and how he was, how he to me represented the people in the place Dostoevsky describes. Someone who truly does love thy neighbor – who looks out for others, who has indeed reached out to me. And as I, James O’Keefe, wandered through Rutgers, from a Freshman year ridiculous-man roommate who scorned and lied, I stumbled into somewhat of an angel disguised as Zach. I cried also because hopefully this will enable me to look for the good in all people, all it takes is a desire to choose to serve, to be virtuous. And I have only a couple true friends, people like Zach, I cried because I realized their truly beautiful qualities are disguised to the world and as a result, unappreciated, maybe because people like us are too busy feeling ashamed, maybe because us outsiders are too caught up in the wrong impressions of dress, style, manner, or taste, that beauty becomes wrongly relative – maybe because good people truly are aloof (most beautiful people have a tendency to be) that we take for granted our potential best friend: a person who is wise, who cares, who gives. We surround ourselves not with our friends but with those who are powerful, witty or attractive. While these qualities may overlap, they are not correlated with what we know to be true.
After my moment of intense tears, it was like I was before without much of the fervent passion I had acquired in that intense moment, it was then I realized living like the person I admired was simple, but not easy. For a heterosexual man to love a woman neighbor without sexual thoughts, or to love a man without being accused of being gay, in this world, is tough. All the more reason to look up to the men that are capable of feeling it all the time – that are capable of being too busy loving to even care about what we think of them.
So here’s to you Zach.
A man who never once thought about himself – and to someone that studies how to be a better person, focuses on truth rather than form. Although me met each other recently, I have never known someone so selfless and so decent. You're one of the more honest and sincere people I've ever met. And thankfully, I got to know you well. I've never been happier with you as my roommate. It's just a pleasure to be with, you are a positive, optimistic, person - and one that made my Rutgers experience a positive one.
Once we got past the politics, or the quarrels, debates, funny as they were, I got to see the real man, still entrenched in his beliefs, his passions, such as LBJ, but having “good times” all around.
I can not tell you how proud of you I am. you are going to graduate school, graduated with highest honors and part of Phi Beta Kappa amongst other awards. I know that one day you will achieve your dream (you've probably already achieved a few) and change from the little engine that could to the little engine that did - and your students and the university you teach at will be better for it. And for one of the first times, I am not envious, I am truly happy for all that you are.
You are an example to the world, and you will make the world proud.
Your friend,
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